Turning 30: 5 Lessons from My 20s
I’ve recently reached the famous 30 which is seen as an important milestone by many. I think it’s always easier to look at what we have lost instead of what we gained, probably because it bothers us so much. Turning 30 is seen as the moment when you are not a young twenty anymore, when you have more responsibilities and things are now serious, end of the game.
I think it’s also a moment where we are more independent, every decision is up to us, and we are the captain of our boat. If I want to book a flight for Japan this weekend I can do it. If I want to eat ice cream for dinner, I can do it. It’s not that bad, isn’t it?
Jokes apart, I wanted to share some things that I’ve learned in these last years so I can read them in ten years and see where I’ll be. So, Matteo of the future this is for you, and hopefully, it is also something helpful for whoever is reading :)
1. Loneliness is not always a bad thing
I moved to England when I was 25 years old, following my dreams and the hope of a better career, and that has been a massive change for me. I went from living with my family, in a town not far from Milan where everyone knows everyone, without worrying about anything, to living on my own in a foreign country with no friends.
Today, after a few years, I managed to build a social circle here, but I still have moments where I do things on my own, and that’s ok.
It’s ok to go to a concert alone, to go out for dinner alone, to do a solo trip of two weeks in Japan for your 30th because everyone else is not available to join you, to go to a cooking class or to an art workshop on your own. We should normalize this and stop thinking that it is sad, in fact, I think we waste so much life when we decide to stay at home because none of our friends is free to join us.
Being on our own forces us to socialize with strangers, giving us the possibility to meet amazing people and make friends all over the world. Something that it might not have happened if we were with friends or with a partner.
2. Small steps over instant gratification
This is not an easy thing to do, especially if you think that we are surrounded by platforms that live on instant gratification. As a result, we want great things and want them now. People want to be successful but are not willing to study hard, read books, seek challenges, or do networking. They want a stunning body, but after a few weeks of hitting the gym, they already complain about not seeing results.
This is something that I have learned and witnessed on my own skin, both in my career and personal life, the importance of small steps. Think about hiking a mountain, you can’t jump straight to the top but instead, it’s a slow process, step after step. A concrete example that I always keep in my mind when my motivation or discipline is lacking is this:
If you read 10 pages per day, it’s 3650 pages per year.
A book has an average of 300 pages.
Reading 10 pages per day then it means 12 books per year.
Think about how much value and knowledge can 12 books about a certain topic give to you. Those 10 pages can change your life, small steps can. Trust the process.
This concept relies on discipline over motivation, it also gives the possibility to everyone to change, at least a bit, their life. Even to people that are very busy with work, family, etc. If it’s not ten pages then do five instead. If it’s not a one-hour gym, do half instead. Something is better than nothing.
3. Time is the goal
I think we all first aim at money, and then we aim at time.
I remember before leaving Italy my goal was to reach a certain role, salary, and work for a big tech company. Now that I achieved it, I think that I would happily live with less but with more free time to spend cultivating my passions like traveling, surfing, podcasting, reading, planting bonsai, etc.
I’m not saying that it’s not cool to work a classic 9–5, even though it seems that that’s what all the gurus say nowadays, but that it is very important to have a balance between your job and your personal life. You can work long hours and double your salary, but if it is taking a lot of your free time, then you are less rich than you think. The moments that we remember are the ones experienced when we are free, not when seated at our desks.
4. Feeling vulnerable is not a weakness
Everyone went through some tough times in their life, me as well. As a man, I grew up with this idea of strength that did not include showing too much emotion, crying, or even worse talking to a therapist. There have been some episodes that broke my armor and I think that many men at some point have realized to have weaknesses, things about themselves that should improve, but this negative idea of admitting them has always stopped them to speak up and start working on themselves. As a result, people keep making the same mistakes, keep having toxic relationships and miss out on everything beautiful that life is bringing to them.
We even feel ashamed to say “I love you” to people close to us, it is not enough manly. We prefer to show it in other ways, but when we lose someone then we are left with regrets. At least this is what happened to me.
It is ok for a man to feel vulnerable, to work on himself, to speak to a therapist, to hug another friend, or more simply to cry for a movie. And if you fear that your mates might disagree with this and joke about you, then you should probably find better people with more neurons.
5. Failing is necessary
This is often associated with our career, if we want to step up then we must not fear mistakes, or that failing is the best lesson and is a way to understand what we need to improve in order to move up. While I agree with that and have experienced some big failures in my career, which then brought me to a great place (Check my journey to Spotify), I also think that it applies to a lot of other fields in our life.
What I’ve learned is that if we want something great, then we must do something difficult, which probably makes us feel uncomfortable.
For example, think about when you finally found the courage to speak to that person, and I’m not only talking from a flirting perspective but also when you started the conversation with a stranger who then became a great friend. I started a podcast, putting my face on YouTube, and was so worried that everyone would think that I was an idiot, but instead, it is growing well and made me meet amazing people all over the world. Another example is when I left Italy, the day before my departure I cried after saying goodbye to my friends and family, and here I am today with my life changed for the better.
Great things happen when you overcome those initial fears, Life happens.
Conclusion
Thanks for reading, I hope something that I shared could help you somehow and please share your lessons in the comments if you want.
For Matteo of the future, what a journey has been eh? Keep going, be nice, have fun.
